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The
Art of Breaking up (by Joe Vetromile)
Sometimes,
relationships run their course. You may be at fault or
not, but when its time to bring your relationship to an
end, you want to do so cleanly and effectively. Here are
some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you
want to begin getting them back. This is much more difficult
to do after the breakup. If your lover has things around
your home, put these in a box and have them ready to move.
Be thorough - you don't want to have things left around
for him/her to need to come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc.,
in the breakup. This is only between you and your mate.
Adding others to the breakup just increases the humiliation
factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, break up at a public venue
such as a restaurant. However, don't "lure"
your soon-to-be-ex lover there under false pretenses.
Explain that you want to "talk about your relationship.¡±
4) Don't wait until a "good time.¡± Do it as soon
as you make the decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable
and makes it even more difficult. Be bold!
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance.
For example, don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or
your ex-partner's birthday. This is cruel, and may spoil
that day for this person for many future years.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific.
Don't blame or argue, and don't prolong the event.
Again I say¡¦be bold!
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through
fear of losing someone, or a feeling that their sparing
their ex-lover's feelings do the "series breakup".
They start by getting distant, then, they suggest that
both of them see other people, then, they stop answering
the telephone, etc. This just causes the pain to be extended
for a longer period of time than is necessary.
8)
Be considerate of your ex-lover's feelings, but don't
back down. Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay
friends, or say that maybe you can get back together after
you "get your head together". This leads to
false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be
detached, unemotional, and specific.
10)
And Finally, don¡¯t bad-mouth your x once everything has
been resolved. Remember that old saying, ¡°if you
don¡¯t have anything nice to say¡± you know the
rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing
it as well as the person getting dumped. Always remember
that you saw something special in that person when you
first got together. Regardless of what happened to cause
the break up, they are still the same person you met and
have a right to their dignity.
Be bold, be compassionate, and be truthful.Follow these
guidelines, and you have mastered the Art of Breaking
up.
My name is Joe Vetromile, and I'm an author/screenwriter
living in So. California. I've written hundreds of articles
on the subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides
having first hand experience with all three, my research
on the art of dating confirms to me that while the ritual
of hooking up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times,
the end result of finding that perfect someone to share
the rest of your life with, is well worth the effort.
Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating - a web site for anyone
looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles,
E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites
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