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How
To Regain Your Self-Confidence After A Divorce (by
: Author Unknown)
Regaining one's self-confidence following a divorce is
not an easy thing to do. As we've stated in all the previous
articles within this series of reports on how to recover
from a divorce, the blow to your inner-being is traumatic
and long-lasting.
Probably the first thing you should do is to take stock
of yourself and set about improving the way you look.
This could mean a new hairdo, a haircut, new makeup, and
new clothes. Get yourself organized to look your best,
because when you feel that you look good, you will look
good.
It's easy to spot people who have suffered traumatic experiences
because of the way they look. Their appearance, their
clothes, the way they talk and act - it's all quite apparent
to an observer that these people feel down and out - they
feel that life has played a dirty trick on them - and
their self-esteem is not very high.
The next thing you should do is get involved in some sort
of meaningful work.
If you're already a part of the working force, ask for
more responsibility or more challenging assignments. Get
involved in the areas in which you excel, and show your
bosses as well as yourself what you can do with exemplary
expertise. Take stock of the promotional opportunities
where you work - set your sights on a better position
- and go for it.
If you're out of work or don't have a job, then take stock
of the things that you can do, make up or have a resume
of your capabilities typed out, look in the newspapers
- the yellow pages of your telephone book - visit your
state employment office, and the employment agencies in
your area - submit your resume and get yourself a job.
Nothing boosts a person ego, self-esteem, personal confidence,
and inner dignity like getting a job Don't be discouraged
- part of the reason it's so hard to find a job is because
of the trauma you're experiencing - keep trying and you'll
succeed.
If you're retired or well-off to the extent that there's
no need for you to find a wage-paying job, then volunteer
your expertise to organizations and people who will benefit
from your knowledge and experience. The welfare agencies
are always looking for people to teach others how to keep
house, cook meals, and care for children. You might even
consider organizing a business or putting together classes
of some sort to help people with their problems and/or
inexperience.
The next thing you should do is make up a budget to live
by, and determine to become the best "money manager" who
ever lived. Few people live according to a budget, and
consequently, most people are over their heads in debt.
Relative to the kind of person you want to become - you
want others to think of you as - and the kind of happiness
you seek - it is imperative that you learn to manage your
money intelligently. Money by itself won't bring happiness,
but by using money properly and making it work for you,
it can alleviate many of your problems.
Somewhere along the line, you've got to know, understand,
and work out your transportation requirements. In this
day and age, you have to have transportation to get to
the places downtown, across town, or even to the grocery
store. Don't take anything for granted or expect it to
work itself out. Analyze all of your possible needs, consider
all your options, and then plan for every situation, including
emergencies.
Very definitely, you should give yourself time to relax
and socialize with other people. If you haven't been too
friendly of late with your next door neighbor, or the
people in your block, then get out and renew those acquaintances.
Get out of your "closet" and pay them a visit, or invite
them into your home for coffee. Let people know that you're
alive and well - that you're worth knowing as a friend
and neighbor.
It may be difficult during this time to do much socializing
because everything you see or do reminds you of the past
- and with this in mind, it's a good idea to check into
the social activities sponsored by your local churches,
civic organizations, and even the singles clubs. Don't
"go out" to replace the love you've lost or to find the
"real true love" of your life. Just go out to be with
people, to enjoy yourself, and get your mind off your
problems.
No, you won't be able to forget the hurt you've gone through
nor become a new person overnight. It will take some time,
longer for some people than others. But the important
thing is regaining your confidence following a divorce
is to know that you are someone of worth - believe it
- acknowledge that you can be the kind of person you want
to be - set your sights on becoming/attaining all your
ambitions - do what's really necessary to fulfilling your
dreams, and go for them.
This is a new beginning for you. A chance to really prove
to yourself that you can do it. Know what you want - be
honest with yourself in understanding what you have to
do to get what you want - and then let nothing stand in
your way until you get precisely what you want. It can
be yours, but you have to make it all happen!
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