Archive of Relationship Related Articles

The following article was not created by MateforMe.com and is not in any way endorsed by MateforMe.com. It is reproduced here for entertainment purposes only. Please remember that if you make use of any of the information contained in this article, you do so at your own risk.

A Kernel of Tooth about Relationships: 4 Steps to Improvement
(by Dr. Robert Eubanks)

Category: Life:Relationships
Authorized - NO NEED TO ASK PERMISSION BEFORE USING. Already granted to Publisher's Toolbox Subscribers.
More Details at: http://www.bridgetosolutions.com/pages/6/index.htm

“It’s all about relationships!” proclaimed my father during our previous holiday visit with my parents. Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife with the other. “When you retire, that’s what you realize is most important in life”

Dad recently retired from 30+ years as an orthopedic surgeon and the major shift in lifestyle seems to have brought about a significant shift in his outlook on life. For me, his statement about relationships became much broader and more profound than I thought such a simple and reasonable statement could ever become.

At first look, it makes sense that relationships are vital to our lives. Whether it is friendship, dating, marriage, family or community, relationships with others are a part of our everyday life. They give us belonging, meaning, companionship, intimacy and love. But, pulling back from this view and taking a broad gander at the subject I realized that relationships are more than just meaningful interactions with people. When we “relate” or interact with something we are, in fact, in relationship with it. For instance, our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. By defining relationships from this broader perspective, our relationship list becomes almost endless.

You see, when we look at our relationships, we look at our interaction with every part of our lives; people, places, things, and events. So, what is our relationship to our work, ourselves, our environment, our health, our spirituality? How do we relate to these things? Or, better yet, if it is “all about relationships” how are our most important relationships?

Coming from the psychotherapy world, I often helped couples, families and individuals improve personal relationships by working through a series of 4 questions. Once I broadened my definition of relationships, I found that these questions were applicable to all types of relationships and have become integral in my current life coaching practice. The questions go something like this:

1. What relationships do you value most? Be clear about what you value and which relationships are truly priorities to you. There can be a fine line between the relationships you do value and the ones you should value. Prioritizing the “shoulds” will only be setting yourself up for failure. They will become another item on your to-do list and become an emotional and psychological drain packaged with guilt, anxiety and stress. By focusing on the relationships that you do value most and getting those in order, you will free space emotionally, spiritually and psychologically to allow many of the shoulds to become relationships that you do value most.

2. Why do you value them? Understanding the value these relationships have for you underscores the importance of the relationship and clarifies why a relationship “feels” important. Consider it like a first date. You have interest and desire to get better acquainted and to develop a relationship. Begin to understand all aspects of your potential partner. Here’s a little help. Fill in the blank with the name of the relationships that you value most (question 1). What is it that draws you to _______? What will you benefit by having a better relationship with ______? How will the relationship with ______ make you a better person? What will you lack by not having ______ in your life?

Starting to get the picture?

3. How do you nourish each relationship? Now that you’ve identified how and why your most valued relationships are important, next define what it is that you do or will do to keep that relationship alive and growing. Continue with the dating theme if that helps. It is really no different.

In my relationship with career it is vital that I maintain my level of competence as a life coach. I constantly hone my skills through my work with clients on countless challenges. My continued personal and professional growth is also a key to a good relationship with my career. Another priority is the flexibility that my practice allows me to maintain other areas of my life such as travel, fitness, family and play.

4. How do you maintain your commitment through the tough times? Are the divorce stats really any different from the number of other relationships that end in our own lives (i.e., dropping the diet, “forgetting” exercise, leaving job after job, putting personal goals and dreams on hold, getting around to the God/spiritual thing when you have more time, etc)? These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away. This is often the point at which my coaching clients seek my assistance.

Last year, I coached the CEO of a very successful company who found himself in a “relationship” dilemma. Alan had broken away from a position as a sales representative for a major clothing company and began his own sales rep company. Soon after starting his business he landed an enormous account worth multiple millions of dollars in revenue yearly. The excitement and enthusiasm drove Alan and his employees to becoming the top sellers for the account and receiving numerous awards and accolades.

Soon, the adrenaline wore off and fatigue began to quickly set in. Alan found himself exhausted due to long hours of work, little sleep due to anxiety, an increasingly distant relationship to his wife and two boys, poor eating habits, and significant weight gain. Alan had simply lost touch with several of his most important relationships.

I began by helping Alan to identify the key relationships that he wanted to begin improving and to understand why these are priority in order to distinguish between the ones he does value and should value. Next, we began creating subtle shifts in his life to allow space for, once again, nourishing those important relationships. My coaching focus on guidance, clarity, support and accountability helped Alan find a fitting work/relationship balance and maintain that life change throughout the year and into 2004.

Like Alan, you will inevitably find that nurturing these relationships is sometimes like a juggling act. But in the end, is it worth the effort? Well, that’s what step 1 and 2 are all about. Value. If you are growing relationships with the people/places/things/events that you value, then the juggling act will inevitably be meaningful, enjoyable and ultimately rewarding.

Once we identify the key relationships in our lives and begin relating with them rather than leaving them on our “To Do” list, we will soon find that balance in life is an attainable goal and that, in fact, life truly is all about relationships.

Robert A. Eubanks, Ph.D. is the founder of Bridge to Solutions Coaching. His mission is to help others balance their lives, achieve personal goals and begin living their passions. For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to http://www.bridgetosolutions.com or call 561-385-9184.

Dr. Robert Eubanks may be contacted at http://www.bridgetosolutions.com bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Dr. Robert A. Eubanks is the founder of Bridge to Solutions Coaching. He works with people around the country via telephone with organization, time management, goal setting and creating the best darn life possible!For a complimentary coaching session or more information about coaching, go to http://www.bridgetosolutions.com or call 561-385-9184.

Copyright Usage:
none

---

Terms and Conditions