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Dating
and Doors (by Cheryl Lewis)
Has it been a while since you have been out on a date, or
maybe you haven't been able to get a second date after your
first date fiasco, this article is written as a refresher
course into dating etiquette and for your learning more
about what your date might like.
Rule number one when you are on a first date is to always
be you. Don't try to portray yourself as someone
you are not. If you put forth a 'fake' personality,
career, or even an untrue past, the future between you
and your date will be a doomed failure from the start.
If you are truly going to be honest in a relationship,
you will be together because you and the other have built
a relationship based on real facts, thoughts and ideas.
False starts create doubts in a relationship that are
difficult if not impossible to overcome.
Another steadfast rule in the dating world is do not try
to focus the entire date about yourself and your world.
Keep your date interested in conversation about worldly
happenings, local happenings or even by asking them about
themselves. Continual conversation brings about
a great date for the both of you. Focus on today
without focusing on where you will be tomorrow with this
person; if the relationship is meant to be it will happen
naturally. This brings together the honesty in the
relationship through conversation. The sharing of
real events, thoughts and ideas in both of your lives
is how a second date is brought about because of the attraction
to want to learn more about the other person by spending
more time with that person.
Combining the rules
Using the two major rules as discussed above and implementing
small special effects to your date will bring out the
best in a budding relationship while creating lasting
memories for the two of you. These 'special effects'
in a first date can be very small gestures of kindness
that portray the real person in you. While there
are, many traditions that have changed over the years
the following are a few you may need to acquaint yourself
with. These new 'traditions' include the arriving
in separate cars (for safety reasons), double dating (again
for safety when not knowing the other person very well
at all), and in going dutch on a date (creating the 'equality'
feeling if needed), there are still a variety of personal
effects that you can use to impress your date.
When you are discussing going out, ask if he/she would
like to use one car - opting for whichever the both of
you feel most comfortable with for the time being.
You could also suggest that the two of you take cabs if
you are going clubbing on a first date, resulting in not
having either party on the date having to worry about
drinking and driving.
As you arrive on your date, whether you are going for
a walk in the park, going to the movies or going to dinner,
let your date know if you like how they look, how they
dress, or even if you like something about where you are
going. Complimenting the other person on their appearance
creates a feeling of inner confidence for that person,
which brings confidence to your date because the person
will feel they can compliment you in return in regards
to what they like about you, without making you feel embarrassed
as well.
There are a variety of simple gestures you can also use
throughout your time on your date to make the two of you
feel at ease. These gestures include: simply walking
side by side, looking at each other when asked a question
that involves the both of your input, and compromising
as needed on your first date. Compromise about what
the two of you do with your time together, let the date
be something that the both of you would like to do or
see while on your first date. Good examples of a
first date might be walking through a fair, going window-shopping
in the mall, watching fireworks, dancing, or you could
even go to a concert that you agree to see.
When you are on a date, do your best not to finish sentences
for someone when they are speaking to you in conversation.
You may not realize this could appear rude when you finish
a sentence for another but the conversation meaning could
be altered, differed from his or her original thought.
Keep the conversation balanced by asking questions about
the other person's life, ideas in life, and thoughts about
what is going on in your surroundings.
No matter what sex you are, if the other person on your
date is walking behind you, hold the door and allow them
to walk ahead of you. Common courtesy in a relationship
is the basis for a great friendship that is possible to
bloom into more if nurtured.
While it may mean that you will have to restrain yourself,
do not try to keep you date out longer than what they
want to be. There are some very good reasons why
a person may need to be home by midnight that you may
not be aware of. Some of these reasons could include:
early shift the next morning, they only have a babysitter
for a certain time, they must have the car back by a certain
time, they don't feel comfortable in their neighborhood
after a certain hour, they worked an early shift that
day, or maybe the other person isn't feeling well at that
particular time.
One or both of you can inquire about contacting each other
again, with numbers exchanged if easily agreed upon.
If you find yourself in a situation where one is hesitant
to give out a phone number, the other (who asked) might
make an easy come back in conversation saying: 'We don't
have to worry about it right now, I'll just talk to you
later when I see you...' using wherever you met as a starting
point in seeing that person again. As your date
is nearing a close, be sure to 'thank' the other person
for spending some time with you, letting them know you
had a good time with them if you did. Your being
polite is a great trait to be remembered by when another
is thinking about your date and the time you have spent
together.
Using a few of the small gestures as listed here and using
some of your own creative ideas, while you are on a first
date, will increase your chances for a successful first
date. Combining the special gestures and ideas into
your first date while implementing your 'real' side and
your 'honesty' in conversation will be the basis for a
solid relationship. Remember, the reason for going
on a date is to learn more about a person and for growing
friendships between people, not to be looking for love
around every corner or in every person that you may encounter.
Cheryl Lewis, freelance writer, married and mother of
three. Based in the Mountains of PA
Cheryl writes for DrDating - a web site for anyone looking
for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books
and links to some great dating and love sites all over
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