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Dropping Out (by Catie Hayes)

Category: Home:Children/Parenting
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In this past week, I saw newspaper photos of teens dressed in black for the their friend's funeral. My sister called me upon hearing a 6 year old had been shot to death by a classmate. I witnessed mothers musing 'oh, they are having a Pokemon battle" when a group of three year olds slammed each other into the wall. By the end of the week, I was left with the feeling that there is something very, very wrong with the world.

The level of acceptable aggression and violence in our daily lives has risen to a rate that would have shocked and revolted only ten years ago. Saturday morning on commercial television is chock full of computer generated robotic warfare. What wonderful messages for our kids. Death and war are sexy.

Strangely enough, we also see parental involvement on the decline. Now, this is not a slam against moms working out of the home. Rather, what happens, or doesn't happen between parents and kids is at issue. How many families do you know whose kids are at activities or outside care most of the week? When home, how many of these families make it a point to be together?? (That doesn't mean being in the same room while the kids are hooked up to a Gameboy, Dad has ESPN on TV, and Mom is checking her stocks on the Net.) How are children to develop a sense of belonging to a family or community when the very unit around which their lives should center is not connected?

I grew up when the counter-culture invited everyone to 'turn on, tune in and drop out'. Except for the massive consumption of mind altering drugs, I see very little to criticize in this philosophy after last week. I am tired of seeing children attend funerals as a matter of course. I cannot fathom how in the world any sane adult justifies the possession of a loaded weapon under a bed when there are kids around. I am sick to death of adults loading their children with the latest violence-promoting merchandising fad, then wonder why their kids take pleasure in jamming the heads of their friends into a wall. We have become so desensitized to violence, it has become a behavioral norm. Parents shrug, mutter 'boys will be boys" or "they grow up so quickly these days" like that is just the way it is, so accept it.

Over the weekend, my husband and I took the kids out for pizza. The restaurant was filled with an assortment of dating teens, tired families making feeble attempts at 'family time' after not seeing each other all week, and overworked wait staff. We waited over 40 minutes for two cold pizzas. Everyone in the restaurant was involved in their own personal crisis; kids tossing salad at each other, teen boys sharing raunchy jokes while their dates giggled nervously, and screaming toddlers desperate for sleep. It was as if all the turmoil I had witnessed this week was stuffed into this very loud Pizza Hut. I counted the minutes until we could leave.

In the midst of this little glimpse of Hades, my oldest son heard music playing. I don't know what popular dance band it was, and it really didn't matter. He heard music, it gave him pleasure, so he had to dance. The restaurant looked like a tornado swept through it, but he just stood with a blissed out look on his face and danced. His look of sheer happiness and enjoyment in the middle of pizza chaos was a powerful lesson. I could either be overwhelmed by how horrible our surroundings were, or I could just enjoy what gave me happiness at the moment.

This leaves me with a very palitable alternative to the disgust I feel towards the world today. I can drown in fear for my own and my family's safety or could feel sad that the general belief is that buying Pokemon in bulk equals good parenting. I have the option to reject popular culture in its entirety. My life and my family do not have to participate in this mind-numbing exercise. There is no reason why we have to jump on the bandwagon, accepting violence, indifference, intolerance, and ignorance as the norm.

My kids will never have their own cellphone so that I can reach them. They won't be anywhere without my prior knowledge. I will never cart them to so many activities in a week that we never eat together as a family. If I expect them to give me the time of day as teens, I certainly better make time for them now. That means being with them, not carting them off somewhere because Johnny-Down-The-Street goes there. My husband will never spend so many hours at the office that he becomes a weekend father. I would rather give them a solid home life than a built-in pool. We won't ever take that red ship cruise to Disney, or buy a second home on the coast just to say we have one. I will choose to lead a life that is centered around finding balance and contentment with myself and my family. I recognize a clear difference between need and want, and must pass this to my children. I choose to devote my parenting time towards building character, reciprocated communication, and respect with my children. By following my heart, and ignoring today's norm, I won't ever have to wonder why my children commmited an unspeakable act of violence against another human being. If we invest time in our children rather than hooking them up to some electronic device for hours on end, they will know the fundamental difference between right and wrong.

"Parent" is also a verb folks.

all the best,

Catie

Catie Hayes may be contacted at http://www.womanlinks.com webmaster@womanlinks.com. Click here to view more of their articles.
Catie Hayes is founder/editor of WomanLinks.com; a community of support, spirituality, growth and empowerment for women. She is a freelance writer, the single homeschooling mom of two, and an avid fan of laughter, spontaneous dancing, cats and chocolate (not necessarily in that order).

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