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35
and Single (by Heather Jaillett)
It
doesn't matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties.
What does matter, however, is that you have certain priorities
in order so that you can protect yourself and those you
date from getting hurt. There are too many reasons
to list on why you're on the market at this stage in your
life, but you should be clear on your goals, both long
and short-term. You donĄŻt want to be led on or
trapped into something you didn't want in the first place.
The very first things you need to consider are your short
and long-term relationship goals. If you are a confirmed
bachelor (or bachlorette) you definitely don't want to
be dating someone who is determined to settle down and
start a family. Age is often tied to this as well.
A twenty-something may be looking for a good time or to
tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun
in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship
you may want to look elsewhere.
There are a lot of things to consider when dating either
above or below your age bracket. If you fall for
someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because
they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience.
Twenty-somethings are often still trying to figure out
where they fit in, and are still forming their goals.
Another problem is children; they may or may not want
them. If you get really serious, as in any age bracket,
you need to discuss each other's views on children.
On the other hand, if you date someone much older than
you there are some problems to be aware of as well.
Older people tend to have already decided what they want
out of life, and generally are not too excited to change
course. If you really want to settle down, don't
go chasing after the man or woman who has no intention
of a long-term relationship. Also, there are certain
generation gaps that have to be considered. Your
older lover may not appreciate going to see your favorite
rock group in concert. With consideration and understanding,
however, many obstacles of dating older and younger people
can be overcome.
Another thing to consider is your financial position.
Have you dedicated the last ten years to getting ahead
in your career and the rewards that come with that?
Are you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce?
You will have to decide what is important depending on
the person you are dating. Even people who aren't
married have had their lover run off with the bank account.
Protect yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of
an attorney before you propose or accept a proposal.
Finally, if you have children you need to consider the
type of people that are entering your life. Do you
want to bring any and all of your dates to meet them,
or are you going to wait for someone fairly serious?
You also have to try to uphold the values that you want
your children to follow in their lives. You are
a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an
impression on your children.
In short, be smart about what you are doing. Don't
leave yourself open to be taken advantage of. Most
of all, though, have fun and good luck in pursuing your
romantic endeavors.
Heather Jaillett is a freelance writer from Washington
State. After extensive dating she finally found
her soul mate. She still advises many on dating
solutions, and is constantly researching relationships
and romance. Exploring ways to add romance to electronic
communication is also another pursuit she enjoys.
Heather Jaillett writes for DrDating - a web site for
anyone looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles,
E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites
all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of some
of the most popular dating sites and books.
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