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The (new) Magic Word (by Susan Dunn)

Category: Business:Entrepreneur
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More Details at: http://www.susandunn.cc

“Thanks for your help,” the client wrote me. “In fact, you provided me with THE MAGIC WORD.”

I always thought of this word as magic. It’s so helpful, I’ve made it one of the focuses of my coaching. I have an Internet course about it, an eBook, and a 1-month coaching package around it.

Here are some examples from clients this MAGIC WORD describes. Can you guess what it is?

# Mary’s husband left her after 25 years of marriage. She must now learn to live without him, and on half as much money. She needs to learn how to do the things he used to do – investing, house repairs, lawn work, income tax.
# Samantha’s youngest son died at the age of 15. She says, “Now I’m no longer a mother. I don’t understand how I’m supposed to live suffering like this. It’s all I can do just to ‘show up’.”
# Eduardo can’t make a profit in his medical practice because of his location, HMOs and Medicare, the declining economy in his town, and the fact that malpractice insurance is now $50,000/year. His wife left him two years ago, but neither of them has filed for divorce. He says, “I lie awake at night worrying about the practice and my patients. I met a wonderful new woman and I need to do something about formalizing my divorce, but I worry I might lose everything I have.”
# Muhammed married his US wife in French Morocco a year ago when she went there to study. After 6 months, he’s in the US. He speaks 3 languages fluently and is currently teaching Arabic for the Navy, part-time, and driving a cab to make ends meet. He says, “The goal for this year is just to get used to being married, and being in the US. Next year will be the push to make money.”
# Edward abruptly quit selling insurance over an argument with the company, following many years of dissatisfaction. He has no idea what to do next, but needs to work. He is 60 years old.
# Annie was forced to retire at 56. She doesn’t have to work, but she’s miserable. “I ought to be happy,” she says, “but I’m at my wit’s end. I have no idea how to fill the days. Nothing seems appealing.”

What word did you think of? Crisis?

Well, the MAGIC WORD that applies to all of them is TRANSITION. They are between “this” and “that.”

# Mary was married and now must learn to live as a single person.
# Samantha was still active in mothering and now must deal with grief as well as empty nest, and learn how to live “this way.”
# Eduardo needs to redo his life. He’s in limbo. He has some major decisions to make.
# Muhammed realistically labels this year a transition, to regroup and consolidate before moving forward.
# Edward was an insurance agent and now he has no job and no career field.
# Annie was a Marketing Director. Now she is not. She needs to figure out how to shape the next stage of her life.

My clients confirm it’s helpful to hear their “situation” labeled “a transition.” Why? Because they often feel like it’s “the end,” or simply chaos, crisis and trauma. They get “stuck” and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But … that’s what coaching is for!

Transition points you forward, where we’re always going. There is life after divorce … after retirement … after getting fired … after losing a child … just as there is life after getting married … after having a baby … after getting a promotion … after graduating from college.

College graduation is a great example of a transition because this END OF COLLEGE is called A COMMENCEMENT. All endings are beginning; that’s what transitions are all about.

Understanding the emotions of a transition makes it somewhat easier. There is always ambivalence. When the transition is a choice, as it was for Edward and Muhammed, it’s easier. When it’s forced upon us, as it was for the others, it’s harder. There is anger, and grief.

Here’s another example: Keely has found a new partner, and her business is doing well. In studying Emotional Intelligence, she has made a lot of changes in herself, and discovered patterns from the past she intends to change. She can’t understand why she’s feeling low and confused, and crying “for no reason”.

When I labeled her situation as a transition, her spirits lifted and she’s decided to “enjoy the journey.” What she’s doing is making the decision to live her life for herself, for the first time, and this means saying good-bye to … the way she was living it before. Good byes are always sad. Even if it’s for something extremely good, such as a new partner, a new home, or a better job.

Ambivalence is part of every change. Calling it a transition allows us to see that while there is sadness over saying good bye to something, there is something on the other side of it that will bring joy if we work at it. It’s just a time in between what was, and what’s going to be.

Here are possible scenarios for our transitioning friends. By this time next year:

# Mary has learned how to live as a single person and on a reduced income. She’s dating someone new.
# Samantha is still grief-stricken, but enjoying her first grandchild which lessens the pain somewhat. She is preparing to move to be near her daughter.
# Eduardo filed for divorce and is now married to the woman mentioned. He sold his practice and is taking a year off for the NEXT transition – getting used to being married, and considering what he will do next. He and his wife are building a new home in a new state.
# Edward worked with me on the StrengthsFinder® assessment and discovered he’s a natural salesperson if he can work for the right organization and with the right people. His confidence has returned, and because of his natural networking ability, he’s entertaining several options.
# Annie has figured out what to do and loves retirement. She volunteers, has the grandchildren once a week to sleep over, took a 3-month cruise, has taken up bird watching, mastered the computer, and says there are not enough hours in the day.

Some transitions take longer than others. Some are easier than others. But they all contain the same elements. When you study Emotional Intelligence, you learn what to expect and how to cope. Therefore your succeeding transitions are quicker and more successful, and you build resilience – the life skill for the 00’s. And this is a good thing, because one thing’s for sure: There will be more transitions in your life!

Susan Dunn may be contacted at http://www.susandunn.cc sdunn@susandunn.cc. Click here to view more of their articles.
Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, transitions, resilience, personal and professional development. sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.

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