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When
the right one comes along (by Joe Vetromile)
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you just weren't
willing to wait for it? Patience runs thin when we
are in a hurry and want things right now; especially when
it comes to love. It seems we just can't accept ourselves
as we should and just enjoy our own company. We honestly
do need to know ourselves before we try to get to know someone
else too intimately. By being secure in our
own self-esteem and confidence, we are able to go places
and enjoy things, even when we might be alone, because we
truly are our own best friend.
Rose had been married and divorced twice, and with that
track record, she was very reluctant to get into any kind
of new relationship. Most men started out treating
her in a very kind, very compassionate way, but after
marriage, it seemed things changed and she just felt as
if she was being taken advantage of.
She
did keep dating, however, because the one thing in life
that she didn't want was to be alone. Her mother,
Alice, had lived a life of loneliness and Rose wasn't
about to follow in her footsteps. At six years old,
her father died from an unforeseeable illness, leaving
her mother to raise three children on her own. Without
much money, Alice was forced to go out into the workplace
making a living to support her little family and without
much education, she ended up in minimum wage jobs that
barely made ends meet. Rose was left alone with
her other sisters quite often, and as an adult, she longed
for male affection and companionship.
Her
one goal in life was to find a man. She wanted this
more than anything else, especially since she had never
really known the love of a man before. Her first
husband she married at 18, which enabled her to get out
of the house and start her own place in life. He
was a 17-year-old guy in the military, so somewhat like
her mother, she ended up alone much of the time, which
was certainly not what she had in mind. Joe would
write her letters and call her on the telephone, which
was some comfort, but it wasn't the same as waking up
together in each other's arms. Being such an immature
age, he also succumbed to the advances of other women
while he was away, which ended the marriage after just
two years. Rose just couldn't deal with knowing
that he was playing around with other women and she wasn't
about to sit home and wait while that was going on.
Out
of money and love, Rose moved back home with Alice and
her little sisters, only to be told over and over how
foolish she was to move out in the first place and marry
such a loser guy. Alice had never liked Joe, and
had never minded letting her know it.
Once
again, Rose met a very good looking fellow who she knew
must be the right one, so she married him. Again,
he was unfaithful to her and she divorced him. She
was ready to just give up on ever having anyone who would
be true to her.
Rose
wondered if she could ever hold onto a man again, but
that didn't stop her from marrying the first man who came
along. He was an older man and a business owner
with money, so that was a deciding factor in her decision
to rush into marriage. She needed emotional and
financial stability and this was what she was waiting
for. The problem with this one is that she didn't
really love him as a wife should love a husband.
He was such a nice man though, and going back to her need
to have a male figure in her life, she married him after
just dating him just 5 weeks. What a diamond ring
he gave her! It was the most beautiful piece of
jewelry she had ever seen!
About
two years later their first baby came along, and such
a pretty baby she was. Little Diana was everything
to Rose, so they decided to have another child, and Jake
was born not long afterwards. Here she was, a housewife
in a beautiful home with two beautiful children and a
loving husband; but he was a husband she didn't love and
that left her with an emptiness she had never known.
One
day, she decided to get involved with a local civic group
in her town. She met a good-looking guy who
was close to her age. He was such a friendly man
and so charismatic. Rose had never met anyone like
him and she was immediately drawn to Charles. He
wasn't married and they had endless chats at the meetings
she attended, but she felt herself growing closer and
closer to him. What would she do? Here she
was falling in love with the man of her dreams.
Finally someone she had waited for all of her life had
appeared, but it was too late because she already was
set in a marriage with small children and felt there was
no way out.
Rose
went to these civic meetings every week, meeting Charles
there and always going for coffee afterwards, but nothing
more. After her first two failed marriages and her
ex-husband's infidelities, she could not go down this
road herself. She remembered the hurt she felt and
just could not inflict this on her children or her devoted
husband. So, she remained "friends" with Charles
for several years before the time came when he asked her
to decide between the life she had and the life of love
he could offer. But, so afraid of losing little
Diana and Jake, she declined him over and over until finally
he left town and she never heard from him again.
As the old song tells us, it truly is "sad to belong to
someone else when the right one comes along..."
Our
friend Rose was just in too big of a hurry to "get hitched".
She felt incomplete without a man, and this was partly
due to the absence of a father in her life. By not
growing up around men, she had a deep need to fill that
void, but had she recognized this as the reason or basis
for all these relationships, perhaps Rose might have made
better choices. We do deserve the best and the best
certainly is worth waiting for.
Patience
is such a virtue that, as a whole, we all have to work
on in life. By not waiting for the right husband
(or wife), we are doing ourselves an injustice.
By marrying the wrong people just to get out of the house
or keep from being alone, we sacrifice our very souls
by living with people we really don't love (or sometimes
even like) that much. Always be fair to yourself,
and true to your heart and feelings and you will never
find yourself alone in this world.
My name is Joe Vetromile, and I'm an author/screenwriter
living in So. California. I've written hundreds of articles
on the subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides
having first hand experience with all three, my research
on the art of dating confirms to me that while the ritual
of hooking up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times,
the end result of finding that perfect someone to share
the rest of your life with, is well worth the effort.
Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating - a web site for anyone
looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles,
E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites
all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of some
of the most popular dating sites and books.
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